It’s odd that in eighty five years, not one person has tried to tell Donald Duck that he just needs to clear his throat. I’m sure I’m not the first person to point that out, although if you were the first person to point that out, you should note that the copyright on your statement will expire after seventy years, with no exceptions.

In any case, it’s highly likely that when Duck’s parents realised he was different, they got a lot of useless advice from professionals who had no experience of this phenomenon and, for reasons unclear to this observer, thought it perfectly acceptable to just make it up as they went along. What do you do after the fifth child psychologist in a row gives you the meaningless and irrelevent “If it talks like a duck” quip? I hope I don’t accidentally delete this one like with the flat TV post the other day. That took me ages. Anyway, unfortunately, I don’t have any pictures of ducks, because why would I, so I’ve included one of a chicken being eaten by some of my cats several years ago, to illustrate my point.

Oh, good news. An early draft of my lost flat screen TV information has turned up. I’ll include it here, below. Special thanks to the me of the past for apparently saving it in his Twitter drafts while drunk.
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Twenty years ago it was decided that TV screens were too narrow and needed to be made 25% wider, but also that television sets were too bulky and had to be flattened so they now disappeared when approached at a 90° angle so you couldn’t even find them, despite ironically having subscribed to Rupert Murdoch’s Sky 3D channel, which mostly showed repeats of David Attenborough’s fake documentary “Walking with Dinasaurs” (He had walked with nothing. They were already long extinct, and besides it was no secret that he hadn’t filmed on location in fifteen years due to old age) that he just did in a vain and petty attempt to make his brother look silly for starring in Jurrasic Park. His brother is now dead and presumably buried.

Meanwhile, newly-bankrupt flat TV owners were tearing their hair out trying to locate their prized possessions, not realising they just had to oscillate themselves ninety degrees in either direction.The Amazon Echo on the corner was of little help, not having been invented yet.

The arrival of surround sound, sixteen years earlier, only added to the confusion. To be continued.

First posted Oct 2019 on Facebook