Editoral: We Need to LIsten to Pigs when they Talk about Sausages

From Feb 2nd 2005, a MatchstickCats.com Editoral

It was the great Dr. Suess who said, in an entirely unrelated context, “I will not eat lean legs of lamb”. And I think this is a perfectly reasonable statement. After all, a limb of meat that is not sufficiently covered in fat, is about as much use as a cigarette lighter on the sun on a particularly hot day.

Nevertheless, sheep’s legs should not go to waste. They are perfectly good for keeping the animal up off the ground and out of the filthy mud during it’s short life, and after than they can be used as some sort of garage door bolt, I’m sure. There really is far too much wastage in the food industry. Yesterday I was standing outside of a local restaurant when I saw a young cocker spaniel running around on the pavement, obviously having just escaped from the kitchens. Nobody was making any attempt to recapture it, and for all I know it could be living out it’s life as a stray, right now as we speak.

Pigs, on the other hand, don’t waste a thing. Other animals really have a lot to learn from what pigs have done in terms of marketing every last remaining bit of themselves as “sausage”. When have you ever seen a chicken sausage, or a horse sausage? Exacty. Only when there’s some poor bamtard of a creature who’s come down with mad cow disease or leperacy or something, and has to be put down.

Personally, I think sheep number thirty nine on one of my my uncles’ farms said it best, when he said “I’ve got two bloody fine pairs of legs. It’s just that I don’t know which two go together. I mean, does front left form part of a pair with front right, or is it that the two lefts go together as do the two rights, or does it work on a diagonally opposite basis? It’s so complicated being a sheep you know.”

Sadly, number thirty nine is one of only two remaining philosophising sheep in Ireland. The rest have de-evolved into non talking, non thinking animals, who spend much of their time grazing on grass which they have crapped on not three hours prior.

Let’s not let that happen to us humans.