What to Do When Someone Says “Look it Up”

Whenever somebody barks “Look it up” in a heated online debate, I always oblige as a matter of respect, not for them, but for the only thing that really matters: the truth.

I set down my phone, calmly stroll over to our antique bookcase and consult a set of 1960s Colliers Encyclopedia that once belonged to my father. I methodically peruse and memorise the relevant entry, replace the volume, re-traverse the drawing room, pausing only to greet our cat Bowsy II, who likes to sleep on top of my childhood bear Bowsy on top of the bookcase. Some day, I tell Bowsy II, these Encyclopedias will belong to him, since nobody else seems to want them.

To say that Bowsy looks unperturbed could, in theory, leave one open to a charge of anthropomorphisation, the arbitration of which would probably involve proving whether or not an inaminate object that cannot be perturbed can be said to be unperturbed by default.

However, once the prosecution realises I was talking about our real cat Bowsy II, and not Bowsy my inaminate childhood bear who serves as a cat bed, this issue becomes moot.

I then return to my phone, to recommence deliberations on the issues of the day.

More writings | First posted March 2020 on the book of faces.