Assembled in 2012 from a series of insomniacal tweets, if I remember rightly.

Must be sea salt. Probably smells of fish.

You know, it’s weird that pigs are so salty, when they are mostly not raised in sea water. They must be adding something artificial to them. And of course, they’re training our kids to be ignorant with these so-called “crème eggs”. Chocolate comes from cows and cocoa plants, not hens. I mean, if you try to remove the shell from one of those things, your hands get all covered in brown crap.

Whither Louis Pasteur?

And when you think about it, chocolateers are really pushing it with “min eggs”. A real chicken foetus could not have developed a yolk at that early stage in it’s development, never mind a chocolate outer lining. Ridiculous. And don’t get me started on white chocolate eggs. Artificial colouring gone mad.

That said, if the statistics for people’s preferences in chocolate colours had been used as a basis for the original South Africa, the darker chocolate would always have had it’s place as the majority. I’m probably over simplifying the issues here, but now that you mention it, I’ve been to South Africa, brought back three ostrich eggs from different regions, and they’re all white. Meanwhile the New Zealanders call their rugby team the “All Blacks”, and you never hear anything about their eggs.

It’s a mad world.

First published as a series of overcaffeinated tweets @intoyourheadpod