Emergency Wikipedia Substitute Facts

Some emergency facts for when you cannot access Wikipedia, which we’re pretending was a real concern at time of writing, 2012.

• It would be highly unusual, in their natural habitat and especially at night, for cats to arrange their eyes in straight lines along the centre of a road.
  
  
• Based on the complete absence of any archaeological remains, historians believe igloos were only invented three months ago.
  
  
• If you turn a transparent glass clock upside down and back to front, then make it run counter clockwise, it is rendered useless.
  
  
• A human colon, laid out in a field, could distribute fertiliser and water to an acre of crops. Hence the term “colonic irrigation”.
  
• Contrary to popular misunderstanding, chicken coups are rare, and poultry farmers almost always manage to overpower the instigator.
  
  
• In theory, if you built a large enough floodlight to illuminate the dark side of the moon, it could no longer accurately be called that.
  
  
• Archaeologists studying prehistoric cave drawings have observed that the symbols used for “elbow” and “arse” are practically identical.
  
  
• The phrase “letting off steam” refers to the tendency of medical researchers to concentrate on the dangers of smoke inhalation, while (unfairly, some would argue) ignoring the dangers of steam.
  
  
• Unlike their human counterparts, glove puppets and sock puppets are pretty much interchangeable.