Sháinne Greoige Scripts: – 1 of 2014: Newspapers 3

Another of Sháinne’s unique reviews of the papers, in this original script from Sháinne Greoige’s occasional Into Your Head podcast segments.

I’m Sháinne Greoige, and this is my occasional look at what’s happening under the sheets of YOUR newspapers this morning. This bulletin is sponsored by Lidl. Visit your local discount supermarket next Wednesday or Thursday to claim your FREE trolley rental. Terms and conditions apply, and include a non-refundable €1 deposit. Theft will be frowned upon. Excludes Lidl stores.

The Sunday Business Post reports that Ireland’s Fire Service is to be privatized, as mandated by the conditions of the recent EU bailout. Meters will be installed at every home and business in the country by 2016. However, competitors will be allowed to enter the market, and customers will be able to access substantial discounts for purchasing firefighting services, water and home insurance from the same provider.

Celeb news now, and The Irish Independent says Professor Stephen Hawking is to become the first quadriplegic to experience independent belching, The renowned astro-physicist has been invited by Richard Branson’s Virgin Galactic to spend an afternoon in a specially equipped training simulator. In the same newspaper, there’s a thirty-eight page pullout supplement about women or something.

Music magazine Hot Press leads with an editorial welcoming the decision to fill the two remaining vacant “X-Factor” mentor positions with retired High Court judges. Critics have slammed the move, pointing out that it’s their job to criticize everything, regardless of whether or not it makes sense. And The Herald marks the twentieth anniversary of Kurt Kobain’s death with a selection of digitally aged mug-shots of the Nirvana frontman, who apparently is still being sought by a fictional TV version of the FBI. My husband has been binge-watching “Criminal Minds”.

The Irish Times has announced an end to the practice of publishing “open letters” to public officials on matters of public interest. The newspaper points out that, contrary to common misconception, the two-pence discount on unsealed envelopes and postcards was abolished several years ago, and it sees no benefit for it’s contributors in continuing to waive their right to privacy.

Meanwhile Rupert Murdoch’s The Times of London has announced that it’s print edition is to be moved behind a paywall. Readers will be able to preview the content by reading the front page, which will be displayed on boards outside newsagents, but will have to purchase the newspaper if they want to read further. A “plus one” edition of each newspaper will also be available at a reduced rate, a day after initial publication.

I’m Sháinne Greoige, the voice of the newspapers. Don’t forget to join me tonight on The Food Network, for a brand new episode of Shainne’s Celebrity Chef Shootout. And in my column in tomorrow’s Woman’s Weekly I’ll reveal why nobody ever thought to name me Sháinne Gruaige.

But for now, a very good morning to you.

Notes for foreigners: “Gruaige” is Irish for “hair”. And “Lidl” is Irish for “This country has turned into a steaming sewer and I’m applying for a job with “Russia Today”.

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