Month: December 2012

From sometime between 2004 and 2012. That’s all I know.

I’ve always had a massive aversion to pillows. I’ve just never understood them. Why would you want your head to be higher up than the rest of your body? That’s just asking for trouble.

I mean, let’s suppose there’s a drop in air pressure. What are you going to do then? The air you are breathing will be from quite high up, where your face is, but your lungs will be begging for more air because they are lower down where there’s bad atmosphere stuff going on, so your lungs will mistakenly think that there is a problem with the air, because they don’t have the benefit of being as sensitive as your nose, so they’re obviously going to  panic and start running around inside your body cavity, all in a tizzy.

And then they’ll probably hyperventilate and have to help each other to breathe into little paper bags. But all the acid inside your body will dissolve the paper bags, and then where will you be?

I don’t mean to scare monger, but I do think somebody has to worry about these things. And I don’t claim to be an expert in this field, but then who is? I’m as qualified as the next man to talk about it. I’ve got a diploma in web design and a beaver’s badge.

Well, that’s not quite true. I lied about the beaver’s badge. I don’t even know what a beaver’s badge is, it just sounded like a cool thing to have, so I decided to lie to you, and pretend I have one. Pardon me for having a little pride that I want to protect.

I was, however, a member of the Beavers until the age of six and a half, when we moved to a less rural neighbourhood.

You know, I was once a member of the top secret organisation known as the Men in Black. I can’t tell you very much about it I’m afraid, but I left because I had a problem with the dress code. I don’t do suits I’m afraid. Especially black ones, unless it’s a funeral.

Now, sweatshirts, that’s a concept I can deal with. Sweatshirts are fine. You pull them over your head and down over your torso and that’s it. What could be simpler. That’s a rhetorical question by the way, I don’t need you to write in and tell me what could be simpler. If I did, I would have added a question mark. But I do have a point here. Please bear with me.

The point is, I don’t understand why all clothing is made out of animals, but none is made from of trees or vegetables. In the food world, we’ve got meat and we’ve got vegetably stuff. But with clothes, there’s just no room for vegetarianism. We need to consider those among us who don’t want to wear a t-shirt that’s made out of mutton. We may not agree with them, but surely it’s appropriate that we facilitate their way of life, as long as they are not doing any harm?

And that’s all I wanted to say.