Some asshole is trying to invent a new type of Tsunami. Right now.

First published as a MatchstickCats.com Editorial, circa 2005. A glorious era when this site had several regular columnists whose spelling I was very good at correcting, so I gave myself a promotion.

It’s always been a good idea to live by a motto, and what better phrase to live by but “Quid illyas manholia actuality”, which of course means “An electric eel can easily be adapted for foreign travel with the help of a lightweight converter plug”. But of course, life is never as simple as that, is it? For a start, you cannot put electric sea creatures into water. You’ll get electrocuted, and at best cause the warranty to become void.

There was a time, back in the early nineteen eighties, when the only thing we had to worry about was finding some way to harvest the sweat water running off our backs, so that we wouldn’t be accused of wastage when it flowed onto the ground while we were working. In the end, somebody developed drainpipe trousers, and that was another of life’s problems over with, done and dusted, all sorted out by technology.

On the other hand, nobody has as yet managed to find a cure for the summertime blues, over thirty years after the sadly deceased Eddie Cochrane brought the issue to the attention of the record buying public. Perhaps he should have chosen his audience more wisely. Scientists and inventors rarely have time to listen to pop music, with the obvious exception of Trevor Bailiff, inventor of the clockwork radio. I believe at the moment he’s busy working on a clock that’s powered by radio waves.

This is very worrying. We have had enough problems recently with sea waves that tragically ended the lives of hundreds of thousands of people. The last thing we need is this asshole harvesting audio waves and making them bigger.

We here at MatchstickCats.com urge you to boycott the radio wave powered clock, the minute it comes out.

Remember the solar eclipse of the nineteen eighties? When the whole moon was blocked by the sun for ten minutes? Mercifully the moon managed to move out of it’s shadow, but next time we might not be so lucky. It is obviously no coincidence that this happened just as solar powered calculators were becoming fashionable. Let’s put a stop to this crap right now, before it gets out of hand.