Neal’s Belch no. 182 for 15th Dec 2004
The Greek god Alpha Medes said it best, when he said “Cast not a thought for the wretched in June, for they will be dead in February”. The Greek calendar of course runs backwards, so February is later in the year than June.
Unless of course he was talking about February of the following year. But had he meant that, I think he would have made it clear. Greek gods aren’t stupid, you know. Except of course the Greek god of Stupidity. But that sort of goes with the territory.
Anyway, my favorite month of the year has always, always been March. For one thing, I love the military air suggested by the month’s title, and the fleeting reference to the novel “Alice in Wonderland”. But apart from that, I just find that March rolls along nice and steadily, and before you know it it’s April, which happens to be the month I like best.
Come to think of it, May isn’t too bad either, if you can get around the fact that it’s named after a fly.
Not that I have anything against flies. Not in their plural form, anyway. It’s just that I object strongly to the singular, “fly”. I find it so obnoxious for anything to have the letter y in it. There are plenty of common letters in the alphabet, which can be combined in hundreds of thousands of combinations. So there is no reason for any of us to resort to using the last few letters. Especially not Y or Z. Let’s not lower ourselves to the vulgar standards of those who suffer, through their own poor dietary habits, from verbal diahorrea.
Even worse are those who suffer from the more practical forms of this disorder. Countless millions have been wasted; poured into holes in the ground because certain co-coordinators at NASA with more influence than sense, have decided to go the “scenic route” to mars, instead of traveling in a straight line and just veering slightly to the left if an asteroid gets in the way.
Personally, I think Adam West, start of the original Batman television series, said it best when he said “Ask not how the void can be increased to make time greater, ask how the existing time can be more richly employed”. Admittedly he was speaking in the context of a symposium of TV scheduling managers, almost all of whom found his statement ridiculous, but you see my point, don’t you?
When I was a child, the highlight of the television week was The Muppet Show, and it lasted approximately eighteen minutes per episode, not counting advertisements. Yet it took almost half an hour to watch the show, despite the rewind and pause buttons not having been invented for television yet. This has baffled scientists for many years, and the eminent astrologist Professor Stephen Hawkins has predicted that it will continue to do so for a few more years, unless Libra makes good use of a rising Pisces moon in the south next week.
Which, knowing Libra, he probably won’t.